We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
