Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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