dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
