my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
