What a fucking waste of an outfit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
