ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
