I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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