Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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