My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
