she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
