he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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