True but thats because hes a fetus.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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