You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
