I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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