Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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