she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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