I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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