Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
