Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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