You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
