Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
