Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
