You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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