those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
