The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
