She's JV to your varsity
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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