i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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