So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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