If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
