those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize