Define "chronic" masturbator.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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