why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
