you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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