Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
