you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
