I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
