I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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