It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
