so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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