just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
