that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh god it's open bar.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
