Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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