Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize