OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
