that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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