Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
