I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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