There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
