My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
