We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
