Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
