I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
