Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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