oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
