I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
