dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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