My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
