Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
