my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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