he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pooping to opera.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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