I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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