I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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