U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
