Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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